Love Your Body or Get the Body You Want?

Recently I've seen a lot of publicity about "loving your body." Celebrities are criticizing photoshop; actors are refusing to lose weight; bloggers are blogging about falling in love with their fat. In direct contrast to this, there are those who insist that you should never be satisfied until you are the strongest, fittest person in every room you enter; there are countless memes instructing you to beat yourself up (literally) until you achieve the shape you see in magazines, and there are those who tell you that you will never be the right shape until you hate what you see in the mirror more than you love cake (or whatever other unhealthy habit you have). I don't see this extremism and criticism in just about any other aspect of lifestyle. Can you imagine if we started telling single people to hate being single? What if we told people that the only way they could ever find relationships was to hate being single more than they love that quirky habit that has scared off a couple potentials? What if we told them that it was wrong to want to be in a relationship and that they should learn to embrace every aspect of being single and vow to never get involved? What if single people started shaming people in relationships and people in relationships started saying that single people were evil? I propose that we can learn to love our bodies, AND work on making them healthier. The way those of us who waited longer than we wanted for a relationship had to learn to love ourselves as single people while still looking. I hated my body for years. I was told that if I hated it, I should just change it. Obviously I didn't hate it that much, or I'd do something about it. But every time I looked in the mirror and hated myself, I became more discouraged. I tried every diet and every exercise, and when it didn't fix me, I hated my body even more. Then one day I found someone who loved my body and told me every day that it was perfect. And I started to see that it wasn't so bad. So I was encouraged. And I found an eating plan and the proper medicine for the hormone imbalance I'd always struggled with, and I started to lose weight. And I was encouraged some more. As I became more encouraged, it became easier to maintain the things that worked for me. Not only that, but just by being more comfortable with my body, I started to walk and dress a bit differently, which made me feel even better. I am still not where I want to be, but now I kindof love my body. It's not an acceptance of defeat. I'm not saying, "I'm fat and I'm never changing so get over it!" and I'm not saying "I now look like a super model and everyone who doesn't is a loser." I think we need to learn to love ourselves as we are; body, mind, and soul, AND we need to realize that our current state is temporary and allow ourselves to want to get better. And while we are at it, could we extend that same acceptance to those around us?

Gluten Free Day 6

Down one pound from a couple weeks ago. Energy level up. A little jittery today and OCD. No major cravings. Crashed two nights ago after feeling better for a couple days. Have slept more than 10 hours each of the last two nights, and I'm told that it is likely the exhaustion and achy joints are detox symptoms. Hoping the jitters are too.

Day...Whatever

Me: +61 lbs

Gabe: + 61lbs

Finished the month. No more psycho-cravings for...well, anything except vanilla frozen yogurt...hmm. Gabe still misses sandwiches. I finally went to the doctor and discovered that my TSH has been steadily climbing the last several years and I am now on medicine to help my thyroid. I've been taking it (along with medicine for fibromyalgia and vitamin d) for about two weeks, and my five-month gaining spree has come to an end! I've lost about 4 pounds from my highest weight two weeks ago. We have decided to maintain the lower carb (and much lower wheat) diet as it hasn't been that bad and, hey, why mess with it when I'm losing? I haven't been craving the bad stuff very much since the diet change and that's nice. I had a sandwich for the first time the other day and later in the afternoon, I was feeling somewhat sick at my stomach and a bit of a headache. Of course I also had a massage from a new therapist right after lunch and there's no accounting for how that can make me feel. He seemed to run out of time and didn't do much work on my neck, so I've been suffering from a low-level headache and high-level neck tension all week. Overall, I don't feel that cutting out wheat has made that big of a difference in my life, but I have finally gotten past the high carb/sugar cravings that I used to have constantly. (I crave dairy more, though.) I can also go longer between meals, and I don't feel like I have to eat as often. I think the biggest impact on my life has been the newly prescribed medicines, as my energy is increasing and my pain is decreasing. Gabe doesn't seem to have experienced much in the way of effects of the diet, but he's been less strict than I have in small things (like modified food starch and wheat-containing toppings and sauces.) Conclusion: my new food pyramid will be based on meat and vegetables, with carbs (particularly wheat) being up there with the sugars and desserts-acceptable in small portions, but not a staple for my sustenance.

Day 14

Me: +65 lbs
Gabe: +60 lbs

Slowly gaining. Less irritable and cravings seem to be a little less. Did finally go to the doctor and waiting on bloodwork. Hopefully I'll be back on thyroid medication Tuesday and praying that will help reverse this weight gain. Made gluten-free cupcakes last night (I know, that doesn't help the weight, but its only an occasional thing.) and they turned out really good. Added chocolate chips from Enjoy Life to make them extra chocolatey. If anyone hasn't tried Enjoy Life's food, I recommend it. Their chocolate chips are actually better than most of the ones I've had and they are free of nuts, soy, gluten, and dairy! Gabe seems to be slowly losing weight, and we are going to measure our waists again soon. My body still hurts everywhere, and I don't seem to feel better or worse. I am going to try to get some of the records from my old doctor to compare current cholesterol, blood pressure, etc. Will keep you updated!

Day 9

Me: +64 lbs
Gabe: +61 lbs

Craving croissants, cupcakes, cinnamon rolls, baguettes. Feeling depressed and anxious. Little things are really getting on my nerves. Don't know if this is delayed return of symptoms after quitting my antidepressants and thyroid meds, or if it is what the author of "Wheat Belly" calls "wheat withdrawal." It is actually similar to what he describes, but if so, it is manifesting later than it does with most people. (Can't go to the doctor at the moment for more meds because of fighting with insurance companies.) Skipped some parts of the book, cause I was getting bored, but I  finished the last couple chapters. From what he describes as an ideal diet, it is very similar to what I know of the paleo diet. His proposed menu looks wonderful, but I think I'd have to be pretty wealthy and have a full time cook to enjoy most of it. I don't like cooking for myself, and it all seems kindof expensive and elaborate. I have been eating a lot more vegetables, nuts, and cheese, but I'm not losing weight at all. Gabe does seem to be losing a bit of weight, even though he is eating more carbs than i am and not being as careful with ingredients. He doesn't seem to miss the wheat, but he is eating a lot of rice in its place. He seems to be in a peppy mood most of the time, and as far as I know, he is less tired. Only three weeks to go on this, but the book has made me paranoid of ever eating anything. I have tentatively concluded that the most practical lifestyle would be to eat wheat, carbs, and sugars more sparingly, and include as much vegetables as possible, along with a wide variety of nuts, avacados, cheese, fruits, etc.

Day 3

Me: +60 lbs, +11"
Gabe: +64 lbs, +8"

Eating has been easier than expected. I actually have been craving less, particularly carby sweet stuff. I feel like I have been eating a bit less, though I'm not tracking calories, and even Gabe says he feels full after less than usual. I didn't even finish my frozen yogurt last night! Weights are up a bit. As with everything I observe, I'm not going to automatically attribute anything to the wheat, but if I continue to gain, I may have to modify something. Still experiencing random parasthesia, and headaches/body aches. Nothing else seems changed. I have experienced an unusual amount of anxiety over the last 2-3 days, and my mom attributes this to my new job situation: "when you go into a less stressful situation...you are waiting for the other shoe to drop." Also have been off of all medicines for a few months, including my prozac and synthroid. I have, however been taking multivitamins.

Day 1

Me: +58 lbs, +11 inches
Gabe: +62 lbs, +8 inches

Today we stop wheat. Gabe is checking out the gluten free fair at Whole Foods today. I started reading "The Wheat Belly" last night. I'm a natural skeptic, so I don't take it at face value, but we decided it was worth cutting the wheat for one month and tracking how we feel. We have set some (relatively arbitrary) goals for ourselves, and we will track our weight and waist measurements based on those targets. (+58 lbs means I'm 58 lbs over my target. Its just an arbitrary way to track gain/loss and doesn't necessarily reflect our perfect weights or waist sizes.)